How was your Valentine's Day, huh? My guess is it turned into a clusterf*** similar to last year's. You see that's what happens when Hallmark, gift-giving traditions, and unrealistic expectations combine forces to form a mega-holiday. Everybody gets hurt.
If you don't have a designated valentine, you're a pathetic loser for a day and wallow in your self-pity while thinking of all of the lucky people getting it on. If you do have a valentine, somehow you will mess up the dinner, the entertainment, or the dreaded gift, which casts a shadow over the night and the obligatory bedroom romp, possibly impacting performance. There is a third group, however, those that don't care about Valentine's Day. These are society's advanced thinkers. They are content staying home with a beer, and a pizza, and being intimate with their computer. This is what we should aspire to be.
Something tells me that Valentine's Day wasn't always a feared holiday. It's been shaped into the monster it is now through years of advertising (a special shout-out to jewelers, florists, chocolatiers, and Victoria's Secret). This trend is only going to continue because of the hopeless romantics that continue to waste money on people way out of their leagues. This holiday has to be stopped before it takes any more victims. Who can stop a holiday? Congress. Damn, we're screwed.
Wait, Valentine's Day 2010 can be different. The intricate plans don't have to be made, elaborate gifts don't have to be bought. Just throw a party and ask everyone to bring the alcohol they love, a dish they love, and protection. Everybody gets to eat, drink, and be merry. Nobody is at home pouting because they don't have a stupid valentine (well, the ugly people might be).
Some may call this an orgy. I call it progress.
-Butch Cassidy
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